Ten things you wish you could say (or ten questions you wish you could ask) to 10 different people right now (don’t list names):

1. I'm sorry for all the lies.
2. I wish that you would just get over yourself.
3. I do care.
4. You're wrong.
5. You really don't know how I feel, and I want to tell you exactly how I feel, but you just have to give me that chance.
6. I miss you.
7. Sometimes, I feel like you don't care about anything that happens to me, even though I do know you do care.
8. Shut up.
9. Your words can't cause any damage.
10. I hate you with all my heart, the heart that's falling to pieces.


Nine things about yourself:

1. I really don't care what people think of me anymore, it's a waste of time, I'm only here to satisfy myself.
2. I lie only to certain people.
3. At the moment, I don't care where I end up in life, cause nobody really gets what they want.
4. I really don't know.
5. I have an addiction to sweets.
6. Don't introduce me to parents, I can't control my swearing.
7. Many times, my brain lies to me.
8. I hate hypocrites so much, even though I bet I am hypocritical also.
9. My life is a roller coaster.


Eight ways to win your heart:

1. Overload me with kind words.
2. Get me some cupcakes.
3. Be honest with me.
4. Get straight to the point, don't play games with me.
5. Go to amazing events with me.
6. Make me feel like you want me.
7. Be able to make me smile.
8. Tell me you love me, or that you do care.


Seven things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Song lyrics.
2. School stuff.
3. Friends.
4. Problems that are going on.
5. Clothing.
6. Plans.
7. Hobbies.


Six people who you need in your life:
(Technically I don't need anybody, I just rather have someone there with me/or for me.)
1. Hillary.
2. Ciaran.
3. Mackenzie.
4. Ashley.
5. Gloria.
6. Mason.


Five turn offs:

1. Bad hair.
2. Control freak.
3. Ignorant.
4. Player personality.
5. Bad teeth.


Four turn ons:

1. Nice hair.
2. Gorgeous eyes.
3. Taller than me.
4. Fit.


Three things you’re wearing:

1. Jeans.
2. Transformers shirt.
3. Socks.


Two things you want to do before you die:

1. Live life.
2. Be successful.


One confession:

1. Sometimes I just feel like the only reason I'm in this world, is to just die and accomplish nothing.

school is school. mostly i've been hanging out with gloria or jered and houston everyday for the past 2 or 3 weeks. it's nice to get away from my home.

~

i've thought about religion. and i'm really frustrated with people saying "satanic people cut up animals for satan/sacrifice creatures to satan/are bad." judgmental much? yes. these days satanism is about being just an aggressive atheist. i was reading about the church of satan and satanic sins and the satanic statements, all it's pretty much saying is that being a pretender is bad and satan is the church's best friend for keeping it in business.

i believe that there is no god nor satan. just that satan represents who we truly are: chaotic, evil, and bad, but yes we are also good, but in the end we're evil. i believe reincarnation does occur and i want to try to reach nirvana and get rid of all my earthly desires. you could say i'm atheist, agnostic, or satanic. i agree that i'm all of them, and a little buddhist too.

and if you think my beliefs are so horrible, then go look at yourself in the mirror and consider what you believe in. you really think that the bible is real and all the little non-realistic stories in it are real? yeah, that's what i thought.

~

oh, and i have no clue when i'm getting a new laptop.

Laptop broke.
No more music downloading, no more too much time on the internet, no more updating stuff, or putting photos on my laptop.
I have no clue when I am getting a new one.
Fuck my life.

BUT, an amazing thing;
Ciaran called me. He asked to take photos for him, he doesn't know when yet, but I'm excited. And in return he's helping me with my VASE project for art. Before our little photoshoot or whatever, he said he needs to find somebody with a Victorian bathtub.

And school's been fun, except of course for class work and homework.

What are the first three words that come into your mind?
The picture is here; [link]
Mine are: passion, secret, fool.
What are yours?
My analysis of this whole thing is that it tells about you and your mind. Enough said.

~~~~~~

I hate school. Early mornings, 8 hours of boredom, and homework.
90% of my friends are juniors and cause my school's a 2yr school, they go to another school.
My school is now filled with little obnoxious Freshmen, and for sure we Sophmores hate them and we were never like them.
I'm pretty much alone in most of my classes. I have one good friend in lunch, which is enough. But still, my classes blow. I got few good teachers, but most of them are lame.
This year will be long.

I felt like I needed to update my journal.
Well, I partly have my future planned out:
-finish High School
-go to College/move out
-move to London
-become a professional photographer, if that doesn't work out...just get a paying job
-get a black and white husky puppy, a male, name is something Greek. Like this one: [link] (amazing photographer, beautiful huskies )
-live life

Even though I know, planning my future won't help me make it happen.

And I think, religion is a waste of time. So is hope. So is wishing.
It's all a waste of time.